There seems to be so much going on my my world right now. I’m working like a dog & the only thing that’s keeping me going is my Visa application. We must be close now.. we’re nearly 5 months in to a 6 month wait. 5 months ago today I came back to Scotland anyway. If luck is on my side, I have like a month to wait for news. I hope.

I’ve been telling & retelling my story about our rescue Pit-Bull, Mason. God, I miss him so much. There’s no way to measure love but that dog is literally my heart. I guess it’s like when you have kids.. you don’t love your husband or your kids any more or less that one another..

Talking of kids & family. Shit hit the fan with Bear’s brother’s wife. Let me begin by saying how exactly no-one in our family likes this bitch. And I was given the responsibility to..well, tell her straight up & stop pussy footing around. I won’t go into the long, long story but safe to say.. she wanted a war & she got one.

Annnd, the last two emails went a little like this;

Le Biatch:

“All of this correspondence will be provided for all of the family members to review and then they can make their own judgement as to who is “self-righteous.” This is exactly why I didn’t want to discuss things with you.”

Moi:

“I’m printing it all now thank you very much. Should I make copies for your children as well? How is life in the geriatric ward anyway?
You think you & K are the only one’s who can circle the wagons?
You want a war? You got one.
And this, from a woman who tricked her husband into having the fourth child.”

Yeah, I ripped her a new one to say the least. Offensive? Moi? You bet your ass.

And the message that comes with this? Don’t fuck with me bitch.

So yes, it’s been fun & games! It’s great to be congratulated on being the only one who was actually able to make her shut the fuck up. (She blocked me ) She didn’t know me before, but she sure as hell does now.

Anyhoo, it’s dinner time. I’ve been drinking all day & my stomach thinks my throats been slit. Later y’all.

Rest in peace Michael.

There isn’t much else I can say, not because I don’t feel passionately about Michael’s death, but because I’m pretty much lost for words. My condolences to his friends, family & most important of all, his children.

I wish I’d have been so lucky to see him Live in concert – The excitement when he pulls out the infamous white glove in the video above is simply out of this world.

I had my first interview since I lost my job today & all went well.

The girl was really nice & we discovered a shared love for rescue dogs – she rescued an abused Staffordshire bull terrier a few years back, another breed in Britain with a bad rap like my beloved American Pit Bull terrier, so that was pretty cool.

I’m still waiting to hear regarding my hours but I reckon I start on Monday! Honestly, it was more like having coffee with a friend than a job interview. We sat for an hour & a half talking about everything from dogs to how the Polish immigrants are cheating our Benefits & Tax system. My kind of girl most definitely!

I’m desperate to be earning money again. What with flights, Visa, transport, medical, food, clothes & tattoo’s to pay for!

I never did share my new tattoo(s) with y’all.. Guess I was afraid it might blow my anonymity?  I mean come on, next time you pass that chick on the street with the cherry blossom half sleeve you’re totally going to grab her & be all like,

“Oh.My.GOD. It’s you!! Audacious Aria!! I love you! You’re so talented & beautiful & sexy! Here, have all my money!”

I’m right aren’t I, I’m right, I’m right!

Here, something Scottish to laugh at.

The song speaks for itself. (It’s so bang on it’s scary.)

I love you.

- A Beautiful Mess : Jason Mraz

Lyrics below the cut

The time-line for receiving my Visa is 6 months, so basically, I’ve been in limbo for over 3 & have another few months to go. To keep it simple, I’m waiting on an official letter arriving telling me we’re good to go & now’s the time to arrange a date for my medical & my interview at the Embassy.

Now, operative word being official.

My mum & step-dad have been on holiday the past two weeks – yeah, they pissed off again. And the next door neighbor was house sitting. My mother had asked her to phone me if anything official looking arrived in the mail addressed to me because it would be my NOA2 (Notice of Action 2).

Friday comes & the phone goes. “Mum Home” comes up. It took me a second to realize why an empty house was calling me, but I soon picked up to hear my neighbor say “Your Visa thingy is here, it’s arrived this morning“.

First off, it’s not my “Visa thingy”, it’s not even close. I still have a fucking interview to go through, my god. However, I’m used to people either a) not paying any attention or b) thinking they know everything & more.

So I got up, dressed & took the two buses & nearly two hour trip to the other end of town. I burst in the front door & ran to the pile of mail.. my whole life, my future hanging in the balance. Everything relying on this letter & it’s contents.

Flicking through the bundle of bills & junk mail once, twice, three times.. Where is it? Where is it?

And I finally twigged…

Today I hit 14 months self-injury free – Can you believe it?! I’m thrilled.

The past 4 weeks have been a ride I’ll say that much.

I was working hard, enjoying it too & before I knew it I’d be freakin’ fired! Turns out my assistant manager didn’t like me getting on so well with everyone else & she turned my own boss against me. Long story short but, fact is my boss had no balls. Not only did he fire me, but minutes after doing so, he asked me out for a drink!

So it’s back to the drawing board, thankfully the job market has perked up a little, but it’s still going to be a pain in the arse trying to find work again.

Between then & now though, the Chinese boys I mentioned in my last post have been & gone. I spend a few days in the next city with some family, but for the most part I was here, sleeping on the floor with a 15 year old boy. The only privacy I got was when taking a shit – & even then there was a queue for the bathroom!

One of the boys is really pretty weird.. he’s like one of those kids who take a gun to school & go postal. He even brought the topic up a few months back.. saying he hated his school & could get away with shooting everyone if he wanted to – Good luck with that I thought. He’s 15, he thinks he’s a smart arse & well, he’s just a moody teenager.

His second last night here he finally pissed me off for the last time.

“What happened to your arm?” he said, pointing to the scars on my upper left arm. “Is that self harm?”…

I know I know, I haven’t written in like forever.

I’ve been working like a dog & when I do get a day off, I find myself sleeping.. like a log.

Things are still really stress full here, most of the script you couldn’t make up – I swear, it’s like living in a mental institution sometimes. These people are so off the wall & unpredictable. I can’t begin describe.

Latest in retarded news is that I’m being kicked out of my bedroom (if you can even call it that) for some 15 year old Chinese kid – because “his parents are  paying for him to stay here”.

Start from the beginning? I hear you say.

He’s coming to my dads along with another Chinese 15 year old for spring break – they both go to a posh boarding school in England. Tim – the one who’s actually related to my step-mother will be sleeping in the living room – because he isn’t paying apparently. But Jon.. He’s getting my room.

Where exactly does this leave me?

Well, apparently I’m not allowed to have a reaction to any of this for a start. I swear it’s like, they are offended because I’m offended. However, they can shove their offense up their arses because this is totally retarded.

I was given two choices – Sleep in the living room, with the other 15 year old boy. Or sleep in the bedroom, on the floor, with my dad & his wife.

I shit you not.

I’m going to make this short & sweet, just for today.

Below the cut is an open letter to my family regarding the abuse by my uncle.

I haven’t sent it yet but I am planning on doing so in the coming week. I’m going to copy at least a dozen family members on this, including my abuser & his wife.

I would really appreciate any honest thoughts & feedback..

Thank you.

So my bags are packed & I’m ready to go. If only my dad would answer his phone.

I’m going to be here for another night at least, unfortunately, but it can’t be helped.

I really wanted to be gone for them coming home, especially after what happened this morning.

By this time I had been up, showered, been to the bank & walked the dog. All the while, he had been sleeping.

It was after 12:30 & I was sitting on my bed, watching t.v. & checking my emails when he literally burst in. For some reason I am strongly ashamed to admit that he frightened the life out of me. I don’t know why I feel embarrassed about this.. Anyway, this particular matter of privacy & not simply walking into my room was something I had brought up during our argument about respect the other night.. so it fits that he’s latched onto it – I’ve since left my door wide open, as an invitation to come on in & help me set up my restraining order against him.

So, he bursts in…

This is the last straw.

The camels back is broken, in fact, fuck the camel – my back is broken.

I have had enough. I have put up with this bullshit all my life. This is it.

Fuck a wedding, this is no longer about our wedding. This is about my Visa & getting me back to America & as far away from these people as possible. And when that day comes, I will personally cut them out of my life, forever.

Make all the snide comments you like, look at me in all the wrong ways, I don’t care. But take away my one route of communication & support from my future husband? I don’t think so mother fucker.

That is exactly what my bastard of a step-”father” did tonight. And like always, my mother chose him over me. Always has done, always will do.

What sort of a man…