Ah, the first post..always the hardest I find. What to say, what to say. I originally thought I should start off lightly, ease my readers in..but now I’m not so sure. Whether people actually read this is neither here nor there. The whole idea of creating this “blog”..is really for my own benefit, my own…therapeutic purposes if you like.
So, I’m going to start of by having a good old rant, & todays topic is;
Narcissistic, controlling mangy mother fuckers.
nar·cis·sism [nahr-suh-siz-em] noun
səˌsɪz| 1. | inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity. |
| 2. | Psychoanalysis. erotic gratification derived from admiration of one’s own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development. |
The world is full of them. These disgusting parasites who suck the blood of the innocent. They can smell vulnerability & they prey on it. They get a kick out of making others lives a misery. In the space of nineteen years, I’ve encountered more of these bastards than you’ve had hot dinners. Good god, I lived with one for seven hellish years, you’d have thought I’d have learnt my lesson or atleast been able to spot the signs. But oohhh noo.. straight into my life another fucker came & there goes another three years of my life wasted. Except this time, I’ve come out the other end stronger, healthier, a new woman.I have learnt my lesson. Sure, it took me this long but goddamn have I seen the light.
Blinded by love & weakened by years of abuse I fell into your trap. Head over fucking heels..deep into the stinking, rancid cesspit of you.
Three years of my life..THREE YEARS. Thats a whole lot of time down the pan. I have missed out on so much because of your selfishness, your disgusting ways, your emotional, physical & sexual abuse. Oh yeah, you read that fucking right Mr. Go on, why not read it again..indulge yourself. You know you like doing that.
Still getting a kick outta me now, hmm?
All those nights I cried myself to sleep, right fucking next to you. Did you care? Did you hell. Now that I’m not crying anymore though..you pull every damn cord..push every damn button to try & get me back under your thumb. When the emotional abuse doesn’t work, you turn to the physical. Just like every other man I’ve ever let into my heart. You broke me, bruised me & scarred me. You are not a man. You are a sorry excuse for a human being. A piece of shit on my shoe.
The mental scars run deep but by god I will not let them consume me. You have done your worst & you know what? It wasn’t bad enough. I could take that same shit ten times over & still come out the other side stronger, better, happier.
I’ve always said I’d rather be hated than pitied..I look at you now, this stranger in my life & I pity you. I’ll no longer waste myself on you. I’ve finally found that strength you smothered under all your bullshit..& I swear to god, no one will ever take that away from me again. Ever.
Let it out baby. Let it out. I love you beyond words.
By: Dev on August 11, 2007
at 1:03 am