I can barely believe I’m nearly in my last month here. No doubt the time will fly. I get on a plane back to Scotland on the 1st of September – my Visa runs out on the 4th. And by Visa, I don’t mean credit card.
There is nothing, nothing good about heading back to Scotland, especially not when shit will have hit the fan with my abuser. Then again, we don’t even know how long that process will take so perhaps things will still be exactly the fucking same as last time. Sigh.
Being 4,500 miles away from Bear is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with & I’m going to have to do it all again. I’ll be gone for 6-8 weeks. Thankfully this time, before I leave we’re going to buy my return ticket. What a difference this will make. The past two times it’s been hell not knowing when I’d be coming back to him.. fighting to save enough cash & watching the ticket prices rise & rise.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if there was something for me in Scotland, but there isn’t. I’ll be living with my mother & stepfather.. in the most unstable place I could be – other than with my ex that is. I wish I could squat at my dads but of course, the wicked stepmother wouldn’t be happy.
Because I can only stay over here for 90 days, we have to time it right for Thanksgiving & Christmas (both of which I missed last year) & my Birthday & Valentines – the latter not something that is too important to us but it would be nice not to have to get on a plane on the 14th when I should be in his arms. I can’t be without him on my birthday, but I don’t want to leave the day after. I love the fact that this year he’ll spend his own birthday with me.. (I’m currently tracking a gift in the mail – it’s dead exciting.) So perhaps we’ll have to wait it out a little longer than before just for those things, which will be worth it no doubt.
Browsing through the archives of last April & May I can safely say.. it’s going to be hell. Knowing my family, things will play out very much the same. It’s funny how we seem to get on only when I’m thousands of miles away. No matter the distance, we’ll always be dysfunctional.
Eurgh, just thinking about getting on that plane (two of them to be precise) makes my stomach turn (I’m not a good flyer at all but we won’t even go there just yet.
Back in April though, I see posts like this & realize this next month has to be a great one. We have to make the most of each & every moment. So on that note, Bear & I are headed out to one of our favorite haunts, Karma, for Breakfast.. Mmm, chocolate pancakes!
Maybe it would actually do you some good going away. Even though you think it’s not great its far from your problems, and this helps you think more clearly. Also, sometimes being far from what you love helps you appreciate/miss it alot more and everything will be more special when you come back. Trust me.. I know!
By: pearlsandroses on July 29, 2008
at 12:11 pm
Oh, tell me about it. Neither of us had any idea what we had until we were separated by our governments. I do believe it will be even better each time I return home to him.
Unfortunately, this is the only place I am able to think clearly. Once I’m back in the hell hole that I so much want to leave behind me, it’s chaos..
I so need the stability I have here with Bear, leaving it for even a month or two really screws with my psyche.. & even more so now, my physical safety.
By: AudaciousAria on July 29, 2008
at 2:56 pm
Why not apply for a longer stay? What is limiting you to only 90 days? There has to be a loop hole – now where is it and why can’t you jump through it?!
By: Cassandra on July 29, 2008
at 3:18 pm
I can only stay for 90 days because I’m on the visa waiver program.
If there was a loop hole, we’d have jumped through it twice already but we have to do things by the book. We have to be so careful not to give immigration any cause for turning down my visa.
The only way I can stay for good, if if we marry. This is on the cards, but it also costs money & I don’t take such a decision lightly.
By: AudaciousAria on July 29, 2008
at 3:54 pm
Visa waiver program? What about applying for your green card — get a job here and make the US have to accept you here for a longer term. I don’t know the whole story but the US lets lots of people in each year who should be shut out, yet they seem to make all the good folk learn circus acts in order to keep on coming back.
By: Cassandra on July 30, 2008
at 9:10 pm
There is no such thing as a Green Card per se, anymore. When we’re engaged, we apply for a fiance visa. We then have 90 days to marry. We’re close to that point, but we’re not there yet. Not to mention it’s very, very expensive. Logistics are a pain in the ass.
Unfortunately it’s just not as simple as applying for a so called Green card & making them work for me. I have to watch my P’s & Q’s. I take a smart ass attitude with them & it’s over.
I’m here right now, but I’m not allowed to work. They can kick me out whenever they please, & can refuse my entry for no other reason than one immigration officer having a shitty day. Thus why hundreds of Mexicans are sneaking over the border left & right.
It is what it is, & we’re going to follow the rules. This is what we want as a forever, there’s no risking any of it.
By: AudaciousAria on July 30, 2008
at 10:24 pm
Aaahhh… now I see… and you can also see, I lack 411 when it comes to “international affairs”. You are wise to mind your p’s and q’s but even more wise for not rushing into a relationship.
What about applying to go school in the USA? Then you could get a Student VISA (I think those still exist), which would then give you more time here… at least in one stretch… which would allow you the chance to continue building upon your relationship. I don’t know what your view is on this, but I thought I would throw the idea out at you. I had a conversation at work last night with a coworker and we were talking about grad schools, so I figure that is where the idea popped into my overloaded brain this morning…. (smile)….
What about applying for a position within a company and getting job here? What about applying for a position in your home country and applying for an international transfer? Is that even possible?? I know people in the US get transferred overseas sometimes where they then live and work, often for years and years (however they probably also remain citizens of their own country, possibly).
By: Cassandra on July 31, 2008
at 8:19 am