I got here safely, even if it was a terrifying ride. I reckon I might just have this whole flying thing sorted you know, but then again I always say that once I hit the ground & get off the bloody thing. Anyway, I’m back in sunny Scotland – actually it was sunny for a few hours but of course it had turned to rain by the afternoon.

Things are pretty strained here. My step-father gave me a huge bunch of flowers (they looked like funeral flowers) which you’d think I couldn’t gripe about. That is, until I read the card.

“To Aria,

Welcome home.

Love the Connivers“

Now I sent my mother an email explaining exactly why I was upset about the whole two week holiday right in the middle of my visit thing & one of the things I said was

“…..but while I’m still being treated like a child with everyone conniving around me, what else am I supposed to resort to.”

So you see, to them it’s all just a bunch of laughs. I’ve had this all before from them & it doesn’t get any funnier I can assure you.

So needless to say, it caused things to go a little ski-wiff, at least on my end, but I thought best to just ignore it & carry on regardless. Until his next comment about Bear, one that was so offensive I don’t want to go ahead & write it without speaking to him first. But either way, I got back by running rings around him with my whole McCain/Palin (he is but a Messiah fan) spiel which left him speechless (for once)..I’m sure the two of them were looking at me like I’d been brainwashed. Ah, bless their poor, spoon-fed minds.

Next

I hadn’t been here a half hour & my mother tells me she’s spoken to the police & they want to speak to me today (yesterday).

I told her straight up I had asked for strict confidence & that they deal with me, no-one else. But oh, it wasn’t the guy I’d been speaking to – it was his boss. Right. So, communication anyone?! I’m guessing he conveniently left the bit about not dealing & making decisions with my mother out of it. Not to mention, my having said to hold up on my statement, don’t do anything until I leave the country again. Evidently they want to act now, which I can understand, but the whole point of me doing my statement in America was so that I wouldn’t be square in the middle of things when shit hit the fan & right now, I’m square in the fucking middle.

So I got this Sergent’s number & gave it to Bear – (I even have my very own incident number – don’t you just love how they refer to my past sexual abuse as an “incident”.) – I didn’t even have to ask him if he would phone on my behalf (I could hear everything on Skype though). It was late last night but he did get to speak to someone, even if it wasn’t the person we were looking for. But today, he’ll set the record straight – that I did what I was asked, I made my statement & simply, I won’t be speaking to anyone or doing anything about it until I leave the country again in November. If my wishes are not respected, I’ll pull the plug. Like I said to my mother when she asked my reasons why – My reasons are neither here nor there, if I want to pull the plug, I’ll pull the plug, because it’s my plug to pull.

My mum has been chapping at the bit, desperate to know if I’ve phoned yet & what I’ve said. I’d already made the decision before I left America that I would very much be a closed book & that’s the way it’s going to stay.

Of course my father goes on about how I need to think of everyone else – well excuse me but didn’t I do that when I made my statement? The statement I didn’t want to do but did anyway because of a) the pressure from everyone else & b) the feelings of everyone else. It’s about fucking time I thought of myself & did what I want. I’ve played my part, I’ve held up my end, that was the deal & as far as I’m concerned, the deals done.

I’m meeting my dad today for coffee – apparently it would have been dinner only if my step-mother could join us. But fine, skipping another meal works out fine for me & my long lost (yet new found) eating disorder anyway, so thank you.

Actually you know I was so worried about what my mother would say about my weight if I didn’t lose what I’d gained before going back – I lost it & more by the way – but I was right, & thank Christ I did it because she’s been going on & on about how thin I’m looking & how I’ve “kept the weight off”.

I rest my case.

My mum hasn’t told anyone that I’m engaged either, she thought I’d like to do it. Well hell, yes please – means I can whip out my camera at the precise moment of “OMFG you’re what?!” Nothing like a candid shot of peoples shock, dissent & disgust. Snort. Perhaps breaking the news won’t be so bad but damn, they didn’t hold back on telling anyone about the sexual-abuse did they?!

On a better & completely different note, I’m so glad I have pets here to keep me company, especially as I’m missing my boys so much. My Boxer dog here is so protective its unreal, but again, being smack bang in the middle of a shit storm, this is a good thing. My cat, big bundle of fluff that she is, was surely glad to see me too. She’s looking so much better than last time.

Anyway, there’s so much going down I could write for days. I’m not even sure where to begin nor end these days. No doubt once I come back from meeting my father I’ll have a lot more to get out of my head – watch this space much?!