With the recent passing of my 6 months self-injury free, I was looking at some photos from the last time I was in Scotland, of the scars on my lower inner left arm.

Comparing them to now – Wow! They’ve healed so much. I’m sure they fade more each day & I cannot wait to see how they are in another 6 months time. It’s true, all they need is time. There is no magic potion, lotion or quick fix that we endlessly search for. It just takes time, love & care.

I know they could have been a whole lot worse. I’m glad that for the majority of eight years, most cuts were mere chicken scratches or simply bruises from other forms of SI than cutting. However, it wasn’t until 2005 that things got really out of control.

I’ve long contemplated sharing these images & for the purpose of this

one post, I will attach them. So there’s your trigger warning. Photos are below the cut-off.

04-29-2008

It took years to get my lower arm anywhere near as close to the photo above. They had changed a lot, in shape, size & texture. There’s so many elements, even temperature contributes to how they look, i.e. When it’s cold they turn a deep purple, not to mention they’d throb. They still do & hell, do they itch.

Ah, one of the rare times I actually lost the long sleeves…

That red, raised & hard one on the far left is yet to sink down but it will happen. Again, it just takes time.

Hell, I had an even bigger one than that that, actually right in the middle there. It took nearly 2 years to calm the hell down. In-fact, that was the one that started it all off. My first taste of a proper gaping wound & I swear, I was hooked.

Anyway, having three months of sun has helped them more than anything, especially the scarring on my upper arm as they were most exposed. Yay for sun-tans! (Nae for skin cancer, but you win some, you lose some.)

I took this photo this morning.

10-12-2008

I can see & feel a massive difference.

I’m far more confident in short sleeves now, depending on the people I’m with of course but the point is, I’m not afraid anymore. I’m at work every day with short sleeves & no-one has said a word so far.

The best bit? I no longer have to suffer in a sweater & long sleeves on a summers day.

Even though I was a bit miffed & unsure at first, it has helped that Bear has been open with his family about it. Not all of it of course, but explaining why I have scars up & down my arms before giving anyone the chance to put me on the spot has made me feel able to dress comfortably & even to be able to do the little things like not having to reaching across the table at dinner for the salt awkwardly.

Being open & talking about things has been the best decision I’ve ever made. I went through three & a half years of family secrets with my ex-boyfriend. 4 summers of sweaters because he thought it would be best. So the way Bear has handled things has given me a complete turn around you know? I’m no longer ashamed or worried.

I just get on with it & sometimes….I actually enjoy life again