Today I hit 14 months self-injury free – Can you believe it?! I’m thrilled.

The past 4 weeks have been a ride I’ll say that much.

I was working hard, enjoying it too & before I knew it I’d be freakin’ fired! Turns out my assistant manager didn’t like me getting on so well with everyone else & she turned my own boss against me. Long story short but, fact is my boss had no balls. Not only did he fire me, but minutes after doing so, he asked me out for a drink!

So it’s back to the drawing board, thankfully the job market has perked up a little, but it’s still going to be a pain in the arse trying to find work again.

Between then & now though, the Chinese boys I mentioned in my last post have been & gone. I spend a few days in the next city with some family, but for the most part I was here, sleeping on the floor with a 15 year old boy. The only privacy I got was when taking a shit – & even then there was a queue for the bathroom!

One of the boys is really pretty weird.. he’s like one of those kids who take a gun to school & go postal. He even brought the topic up a few months back.. saying he hated his school & could get away with shooting everyone if he wanted to – Good luck with that I thought. He’s 15, he thinks he’s a smart arse & well, he’s just a moody teenager.

His second last night here he finally pissed me off for the last time.

“What happened to your arm?” he said, pointing to the scars on my upper left arm. “Is that self harm?”…

And here comes the point where they lose the balls they had to ask me such a question.. why is it people can ask, but can’t handle the answer?…

As many times as I get asked over here (it seems to be a rude, inconsiderate British thing.. I’ve never been asked in America).. you’d think I wouldn’t be so surprised & taken aback anymore. But I was & soon my face felt like it was on fire.

After a futile attempt at  justification for something that held me prisoner for over 8 years – I didn’t realise that was what he was looking for me to do, justify it.. because he kept arguing with me & blatantly taking the piss.. until it was too late. What I should have said was;

“That’s personal, I don’t talk about it”. And let that be the end of it. But he just wouldn’t let it go. I won’t go into the whole conversation because it will get me fired up again & I’ve already wasted enough energy on this little bitch.. but he really did piss me off.

People are so callous. What the hell makes them think it’s okay to ask something so personal – & I mean, the kid had the audacity to ask, then to answer his own question – if he knew what it was, why fucking ask?!

The fact he kept pushing me to tell him my reasons for doing it.. Eurgh, fuck off already. Really, if I told him, he’d run a fucking mile! Again, those who have the balls to ask outright, never have ones big enough to stick around. How dare he argue with me about something he doesn’t understand – and I told him that, that he would never understand. Going by the look on his face, I’m assuming that didn’t go down too well. He’s 15 & he thinks he knows everything. He has a lot to learn. And how to have a  little cooth might just be one of them.