I have this incredible urge to walk into the kitchen, right up to the dinning table, look each of them in the face – my dad, his wife & their lodger…& proceed to ram my fingers down my throat & vomit all over their Indian takeaway….

It’s been an eventful week. Last Saturday my dad decided it would be a good idea to scream bloody murder at me, threaten me & chase me out the house. I had my first anxiety attack in over 2 years – what an accomplishment for a father right?

I can’t go into the whys, hows & details of what happened, it runs too deep & I’m not ready to relive what was a fucking frightening half hour. For the first time in my life, I felt the wrath of my father – One might have hoped he’d have had good reason, but it turns out he didn’t. He should be ashamed of the way he spoke to me that night, I know I sure as hell am. As for that bitch of a wife of his, she can go fucking die in a fire.

“You are making everyone miserable here”. She tells me.

That’s rich coming from a woman who’s husband is in the process of leaving her. Why don’t you fuck off back to China you
fucking whore – I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again – I’m glad she’s fucking barren.

See, I’ve refrained from writing at the moment because I knew it would only come out like this.. a load of hatred & profanity.. but frankly, that’s all I’m feeling right now. I am SO angry. I’m am so full of rage.

Just another kick in the teeth tonight as they went & ordered an Indian meal & didn’t ask me to join them, knowing full well I was here in my room. For the past half hour I’ve been going through the motions – ah, & there we are – won’t be so smug when they’re all suffering from the runs later on ahe!

Miserable? These mangy mother fuckers haven’t seen shit yet – whether it comes now or later, everything we do has a consequence.