The time-line for receiving my Visa is 6 months, so basically, I’ve been in limbo for over 3 & have another few months to go. To keep it simple, I’m waiting on an official letter arriving telling me we’re good to go & now’s the time to arrange a date for my medical & my interview at the Embassy.

Now, operative word being official.

My mum & step-dad have been on holiday the past two weeks – yeah, they pissed off again. And the next door neighbor was house sitting. My mother had asked her to phone me if anything official looking arrived in the mail addressed to me because it would be my NOA2 (Notice of Action 2).

Friday comes & the phone goes. “Mum Home” comes up. It took me a second to realize why an empty house was calling me, but I soon picked up to hear my neighbor say “Your Visa thingy is here, it’s arrived this morning“.

First off, it’s not my “Visa thingy”, it’s not even close. I still have a fucking interview to go through, my god. However, I’m used to people either a) not paying any attention or b) thinking they know everything & more.

So I got up, dressed & took the two buses & nearly two hour trip to the other end of town. I burst in the front door & ran to the pile of mail.. my whole life, my future hanging in the balance. Everything relying on this letter & it’s contents.

Flicking through the bundle of bills & junk mail once, twice, three times.. Where is it? Where is it?

And I finally twigged…

The plain, white window envelope on top of the pile? The one that, even before turning it over & seeing “Bank of Scotland”, it’s painfully, obviously a bank statement? Yeah. That so official looking letter is a fucking bank statement!

Stupid fucking bitch.

And my mum phones me today to ask if my “Visa thing” came  in the mail, even though I had scored out the neighbors happy “it arrived this AM“ on a note & written “Bank statement” over it..

Her reply was “Well, she wouldn’t really know”.

Ex-fucking-actly. And that would be why she called me to tell me my bank statement had arrived & that all my wishes had come true & I could finally get on with my life. Right?

It’s so laughable it’s barely real. And not even so much as a “Shit, I’m so sorry I’m so fucking stupid“.

Never mind the money, time & effort it took me to get out there, but the emotional aspect even more so!

So here I am, still waiting at the cross roads with all my belongings in one bag & my heart on my sleeve. Waiting. And watching the months go by, knowing that I can’t make them up on the back end because we’re all going to die someday. Yeah, many thanks. I am after all, just a name on an application form.

Shouldn’t I be in Newark, boarding my flight to Scotland?

Technically…..yes. But apparently it’s only the big boys at UPS who can play the rainy day game – My flight was delayed due to rain in Newark & there wasn’t a snowballs chance in hell of me making my connection.

(& they wouldn’t be putting me up in a Hotel either! Overnight in Newark Airport? How about NO!)

Then again, since coming back home we’ve seen that the plane did actually take off slightly earlier than they guesstimated but you know what, those bastards played damn dirty on my arrival in the States 3 months ago, causing me to lose one of my few & incredibly valuable days.. so yeah, give me the chance to reschedule my flights & you can bet your ass I’m gonna run with it – like the freakin’ wind up that moving side walk, booger-rags in hand (oh yes, sexy I know), back to my beau!!

So like last time, we find ourselves blessed with one extra night together – all that crying & pain for nothing right? Least we got that bit out of the way though & just like before, I know that tomorrow I’ll be ready.

How amazing did it feel to be one of those lucky people I’d been watching for the past hour coming into the city to their families & friends… those people who are allowed to take it all for granted, because this is home. No-one, no-one will ever know the euphoria that washed over me at being allowed to be one of those people again.

I’m happy.

And now it’s time for (stolen) Movie Night & Lovin’s – HeeHee! It feels so forbidden!

I was detained by Homeland Security, fearing the worst – being sent back to Scotland because of some unwritten rule & an arsehole on a power-trip.

I’d give anything to be back there, just to start those 90 days over..

But, I leave tomorrow afternoon with at least 6 months of waiting ahead of me. I haven’t even started packing yet, most of our energy today has gone into preparing my Visa Application which has been stressful to say the least. The mountain seems to get bigger with every new page.

Like the fact I have to take a 5 hour train ride to the other end of, not my own country, but another country for both my Medical (at $250+ a pop by the way) & my Consulate interview because the Scottish Consulate “doesn’t do Visa’s”. And no, they really don’t. I mean their website quoted “$16 for about 7 minutes” to ask one fucking question? I don’t think so…

However, I guess you could say we’re feeling pretty good with each completed form. It’s coming together slowly, & if the mail would just hurry up, $455 later we’ll be on our way. If only that was the only number involved though, once it’s all said & done we’ll be well into the thousands for sure.

The best I can do is be positive, work myself silly to cover the costs & remember that this is my last time leaving Bear, the family, pets & Kentucky all together. Perhaps I might even bring myself to enjoy those murderous flights & hell, maybe even take a liking to Newark N.J?

Yeah, thought not.

Funnily enough, I haven’t been brought to tears yet, but the night is young my friends.

Until next time, do me a small favor & think about me whilst once again I face not only my fear of flying, but the reality of spending 6 months or more under my families roof, 4,000 miles away from home.

Ah.

Home.

***Warning: Photo Heavy Post!***

Yesterday we had an early Christmas with extended family. It was the most family orientated fun I’ve had in, well, ever.

You all know my own family doesn’t bode well, so this was certainly a surprise!

Not to blow my own trumpet but I was certainly center of attention. That dinning table wasn’t half happenin’ I’m telling you! What with being Scottish & all I’m not surprised conversation flowed so freely. I had a super time – The food was pretty good too!

There were so many new faces yet I didn’t feel overwhelmed. I was made to feel so welcome, everyone was so nice it was almost surreal. Safe to say I cannot wait until next year (then again, I may see those faces again sooner than I thought, what with the wedding & all).

After all I’ve been through in the years, just t0 feel confident, happy & in-control of my own self again felt amazing.

At one point a cousin of Bear’s asked me what my parents thought of my coming over here to stay.

“I’m sure they’ll be happy for you but surely they don’t want their daughter to be so far away from home”

I had a mouth full of beef brisket but I’m thinking to myself don’t even go there.

My reply was somewhat along the lines of my having left home at 16 for 3 years & that my family was not…close.

Little did she know that, no my family is not happy for me. My mother would rather I stayed in Scotland, under her watchful eye, & make a life for myself there. Besides, one should not live for their parents but for themselves. No?

However…

My mother phoned a few nights ago & we actually had a very pleasant conversation. It wasn’t strained or…irritating as it normally can be. Then again, she was on her own – as oppose to having my step-father looming over her & her every word. It was nice to let her in on everything that’s been going on & to let her know I’m safe, well & happy.

In other news,

Still nothing from the police. My mother said she would try to phone the detective today, assuming he is back from his holiday. Yeah, I hope he had a terrible time too.

I cannot stress enough how important it is that bastard is not gifted another Christmas with his wife & children. But alas, it looks like that’s what will happen.

Anyway, I guess I’ll keep y’all updated on their indifference as always.

Back to a brighter note; Here’s a few new shots of Mason (& Rocky).

Mooomm! He won't leave my tail alone!!

Walkies?

Apparently we're not keeping him warm enough

Let me run! Let me run!!

So many leaves, so little time.

Tomorrow, assuming the police will actually act on things like they say, will be a day to celebrate.

I hope my uncle has enjoyed his weekend. I said that last weekend I know but honestly, the delay hasn’t bothered me one bit. The closer it gets to Christmas, the better.

This isn’t closure & it never will be. What it is though is one giant Fuck him! There’s a lot of feelings rushing through me right now but the most prominent one is actually excitement. I only wish I could be a fly on the wall to see him shit his pants.

What are we doing to a) Celebrate & b) …turn it into a joint Christmas present?

Well, after our little experience with Kojak (here, here & here.) we’ve long since hankered after rescuing another member of the bully breed family – I could go into a long, long post specifically about why we’re chosen to stand for Pit bull’s & the like but I think I’ll leave that for another day soon.

So, now that we’ve moved house & can actually have a dog, we’re even more eager.

Thursday night whilst browsing the local Metro Animal Shelter website we came across a beauty called, of all things, Vivian – yeah you read correctly. But names aside she was a real lover. Thing was, she’d been in the shelter since the 15th of July & they were obviously desperate to rid themselves of her.

Friday morning Bear handed me the phone & I called up about her, the daytime line wouldn’t work so I tried the evening one just for shits & giggles. Okay, so minus the giggles after what the girl on the other end of the phone proceeded to tell me.

She was a volunteer for the shelter & knew straight away who I was talking about.

“Oh god. They put her to sleep last month. She had a terrible, terrible life. She came in as a stray & gave birth to 10 puppies. They killed not only Viv but all her babies at a week old too. They don’t want the public to know, but they euthanize up to 30-40 animals every single day.”

I was stumped. It took a hell of a lot not to burst into tears down the phone on this girl I’m telling you.

But that was it, our minds were set. If they couldn’t give 11 lives a chance, we’d at least be able to give 1 a slice of hope & home. We embarked on a trek to the shelter which, unfortunately ended up not sticking to their hours listed online nor to the hours this girl told us… but not to dwell, at least we found out where the hell this place was.

It looked like a freakin’ fortress though, a prison. Incredibly depressing & it sure as hell wasn’t that last cigarette sitting heavy in the pit of my stomach. It was the sense of death & hopelessness.

I know these places are overrun & badly in-need of funding. I understand they have no other option. But why even give Vivian a sense of hope in the first place, why have her go through the birth & the first week of motherhood before murdering her & her pups? Everyone wants a puppy, I don’t understand why they weren’t at least given a chance at a family.

However, whilst we’re talking finances, it does make me wonder if her story was true & not just this angry volunteer trying to give me a sense of urgency. I mean, cost wise, even space wise, it just doesn’t make sense to have brought Vivian back to health, had her give birth & to put it bluntly, why would they wait to kill 11 dogs when they could have killed one & subsequently the other 10 would have died as a result.

I believe the public should know their figures too. How else do we get people to stop, listen & stop fucking breeding their animals when there’s tens of thousands being put to sleep every day because of over-population.

Tomorrow, Monday morning we’ll make the trip again & at some point during the visit I will enquire about Vivian as though I had never had that conversation on Friday. I do wonder if the response will be that she was adopted & all is well. If that’s so, I will be honest with them & tell them the tale I was told. Maybe it’s not a big deal to some of you, but to me, well, I want to know who might be lying to me & also, I might hope to be a volunteer there in the near future – I may not be able to work but I can volunteer.

From that experience we haven’t set our hearts on any of the dogs listed as I’m afraid of getting my hopes up & being shot down again like I was. I don’t take these things easy, evidently. But we’ll go around the building, take special care to see the ones who have been there the longest & perhaps, perhaps, we’ll put in an application for one of them. How I wish I could bring them all home, but such is life.

Anyhoo, watch this space… the sound of furry padded feet are approaching!

Finally we have Internets in our apartment, finally!

I can now write freely again & fill you all in on everything that’s been going on – even if that isn’t actually very much, other than settling into our new surroundings – which by the way, is off the awesomeness scale to say the least.

I’m telling you, this guy could not have found us a better place to live – especially for the money! This sure is a rare gem.

What else, what else..

I’m still shaken by the whole Immigration thing. Bottom line now is that I cannot come back here without my K1 (the Fiance Visa) which a) Costs money & b) Gives us a mere 90 days to do the deed.

You could say, like that son of a bitch actually did, that they “are happy for me to marry an America citizen” but what they don’t want, is for me to take my time in making such a huge decision. No, it must be rushed & unsure right?

Basically, I’ll leave here on the 10th of February not knowing when I will be back. It’s not going to be a matter of weeks, that’s for sure. It could be 8 months at worse. It all depends on those guys at the Embassy but more importantly, myself & the road I choose to take.

However, with this in mind, I embark on the three months ahead taking nothing, not even the crisp 30F for granted. And the last twelve days? They’ve been awesome. I feel so at home here. I’m confident & comfortable. Something that takes a great deal of time & effort for me.

We went to the Dizzy Wizz round the corner for lunch today & sat at the counter – old school I know. The food was good but the banter was even better. It felt great to feel so at home in a place which used to be so…foreign. Needless to say, our new neighborhood is pretty great.

Tomorrow I’ll have my first Thanksgiving over here. This time last year the two of us were bitterly disappointed after believing for months that we would see the holidays in together but alas, such is life.

We’re off to Bear’s sisters for the feast – which I’ve been saving all week for!! It’ll be a busy house, no doubt full of hyperactive children but I’m sure I’ll fit right in on that one

Also, I do hope my abuser enjoyed his last weekend of freedom – the police will be knocking on his door by the end of this week with a bit of luck!

Anyhoo, now that my tater-tots are done (diets always start tomorrow) I bid you goodnight & a very happy Thanksgiving!! Enjoy!

I’m home, I’m home. But only by the skin of my teeth.

I missed my connecting flight, my next connection & the third try was cancelled & I had to spend the night in Newark.

Why?

Because I was detained by Customs & Immigration – Homeland Security were on one hell of a power trip & succeeded to scare the shit out of me.

This was one of the scariest moments of my life, even with truth on my side.

After being taken down into some large, dark two way glassed room, filled with armed & intimidating officers, detainees & security cameras that watched me like a hawk, I met God.

The guy “wasting his time” with me, was adamant I had been working over here, helping Bear with his business. There was nothing I could say to convince him otherwise – There is no “convincing” these people.

He told me he’d make a few calls & “find out exactly where I’ve been working, because I know you have”.

I was given two options…

“We only have a small problem just now” he told me.

I wouldn’t be staying here, I’d be going back to Scotland to apply for my K-1 Visa (my Fiance Visa) & maybe I’d be allowed back. But, unless I was honest with him & told him the truth, I’d be taken into custody & would be detained for 2-3 weeks until standing before an Immigration judge to be charged with Fraud.

Yes I shit my pants, but the fact of the matter is that I have never worked whilst I’ve been here, I’ve wanted to, believe me but that’s as far as it’s gone. I have done nothing but follow the law – & look where it got me right?

To cut a very long & genuinely traumatic story short, this arsehole didn’t have dick on me. Especially after he went through my American mobile phone, with the intent to find out where I’d been working, to find – 1) Bear’s Parents 2) My Parents & 3) Bear.

I do believe he was going to let me go all along but he wanted to put the fear of god into me in the process – & that he did with great gusto, aggression & intimidation.

I am so lucky to be here right now. Even after leaving Immigration, with everything that went on with my connections…. it’s been a nightmare. Four tries it took me to get to Louisville. Guess they stole that extra day they gave us last time right on back ahe?

Hearing the words “You’re lucky today, we’re letting you go” & seeing him stamp my Visa, was one of the most powerful things I’ll ever experience.

I completely crumbled before him, big fat tears falling down my face as I took his hand & whispered a broken, “Thank you”.

I find it impossible to articulate how that made me feel. There was an aspect of humiliation in my tears but they were uncontrollable. I mean, can you imagine me, never mind in custody for 3 weeks but being bundled onto a plane back to Scotland?

I was being threatened with never being allowed back into the United States. All for nothing. All because they were on some power trip.

How frightening is it, that one man could take away my future with Bear like that.

Anyway, I’d happily write more, not to mention in more detail but we’re officially moving into our new house today so I’m off to get grubby!

Later y’all

This is just a quickie (sometimes those are the best you know) before I go to sleep for the last time in Scotland for three months;

The police were sprung on me this morning by surprise. There was much bad language in the bedroom & I’m not quite sure how my bursting into the living room with “Surprise!!” went down. But either way.

Technically I didn’t give a new statement but I did answer a hell of a lot of questions. It was really difficult & very emotional. Especially re-reading my statement & the things later added, back to myself & really seeing what others are learning about me & what exactly that mangy mother-fucker did to me.

The outcome?

They are going to arrest him. Not this coming Monday but next. Monday or Tuesday, with a bit of luck. They are currently working on their interview plan & getting themselves situated in the best way possible to watch him fall flat on his face. We can safely say he’s going to have a pretty darn good Christmas ahe?

For now though, I’m totally wiped out, both physically & emotionally so I better get my head down. I am up at 5.30am tomorrow after all.

Next time you guys hear from me I’ll be in sunny Kentucky! – Please keep me in your thoughts as I sob my way, clinging onto the seat & poor soul next to me across the Atlantic!

I’m back in town at my mothers now for the next, well, day I guess as I have to be at the airport at 6am Friday morning – Christ, the past few weeks really have flown by.

My boss was really good about me leaving, telling me she’d happily have me back in February, which is fantastic. I’d really settled in there & I’d genuinely enjoyed my time so far. It takes a bit of pressure off knowing that I have something to come back to next time around.

I’m not myself right now, I don’t have a lot to say but I can’t seem to say it.

But yeah, I’m nearly home. Could it be, that I can escape the country without issue, argument or blue murder?

How happy am I to see that right? 1 month today I’ll be on that plane, flying back to my beau. It can’t come soon enough.

Other than that, I don’t have much else to say for myself. Work is going well. Not to mention I’ve been given a surprise day off tomorrow – I made a bit of a booboo & came in on what was apparently my day off. Not the sharpest tool in the box, no. But being given tomorrow off saved me from 6, 6am mornings in a row. Gah, it feels great. If only the house wasn’t still full of builders renovating the bathroom – which, by the way, won’t be completed for my mother & co coming back from Portugal. But you know what, they should have to deal with the inconvenience aswell as me, so it serves them right.

The chat from the main builder was pretty entertaining actually. Besides the banter, it was nice to have someone agree with me when I say that my step-father is a hard headed, idiot…

I can’t even begin to go into his bathroom visions, I just can’t. We can be sure though, he must be smoking something cause it just ain’t right. This guy has tried to give him a guiding hand but we all know how stubborn my step-father is. There’s just no telling some people.

Anyhoo, time to get myself cleaned & rested up for the task of a long, hard, lazy day ahead!