I’m itching to blog, but every time I attempt I end up frustrated at myself because well, I can’t seem to put down in words how I’m feeling right now.

20th of September & I still haven’t heard dick about my statement. It’s been nearly three months since I gave the word. That’s rich for sure.

I was searching for my bus fare this morning in an old money box & I came across a shiny shard of glass – an old aid to my self-injury. I’ve been triggered pretty much all day. It’s been a long time since I came across a surprise like that – especially as the last of the ‘tools’ I thought I had I handed over to Bear to get rid of a month ago.

It’s been nearly 6 months since my last cut yet the small stuff still niggles at me….

I had chocolate for the first time in ages today, or should I say, I fucking binged for the first time in months. I can’t even clear half the dinner plate (when I actually have dinner that is) but give me a pack of 12 mini-rolls (kinda like Ho-Ho’s) & they’re gone before the sun sets.

Honestly, I feel like shit. I don’t know what I’m thinking or feeling & work is just… work. I’m someone else there, but it doesn’t make me feel any better when I sign out.

I noted that this would be post number 200, but hell, I can hardly be arsed to make it memorable.

Sigh, sorry folks. There’s so much more to this but the point is; I’m feeling really insecure & I don’t know how to help it. It will pass, it always does, it’s just a shame it never lasts.

Next time.