Heh, coincidence but after finding out that a friend is in hospital after an attempted suicide today I discovered that today of all days, Sept 10th is National Suicide Prevention Day. Well actually September 7th to 13th is National Suicide Prevention Week.

Pick Up the Phone

International Association for Suicide Prevention

I am a survivor of suicide…

The first time I attempted I was 14 & tried to hang myself with a dressing gown cord from the light fitting. No, it’s not nice, but it’s got to be said. Then came along the self-injury which yeah, I do believe has stopped me from doing it again. Self injury – the anti suicide? But no, do not take that as a “pro self-injury” comment because quite like mass medicating as a prevention, having been there & done that, it’s simply not the answer.

The rate of youth suicides is growing at a pretty darn scary rate. The WHO estimates that 1 million people die in the world each year by suicide. These figures represent an annual world mortality rate from suicide of 14.5 per 100 000 population. The reality is that every minute there are 2 more deaths by suicide.

Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people aged 15-24 & suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among college students. That’s my people, my age group & I’m telling you, it’s frightening.

My attempt was a cry for help, but no-one looked out for me, in-fact, no-one even knew about it until well, Bear came along & even then, he’s the only one who knows next to you lot since I’ve just spilled the beans.

So be aware, keep an eye out & well, you know, take a second to listen?

I’m on a real downer tonight. I’ll start off small shall I?

• I haven’t heard back from the store I interviewed at yesterday.
• The cold I’ve been fighting since the long haul flight has finally won.
• I showed my step-aunt my engagement ring & she obviously didn’t approve.

The conversation with my so called aunt, started with her asking me if my tan was fake? Er, no…that’s 3 months in the sun, bitch. Then, when I proceeded to show her my engagement ring, the conversation went exactly like this:

“When did that happen?”

“A few weeks ago”

“Date?!”

“The 25th”

“OF!?”

Well, being that it was a few weeks ago, that would be August no?!

After that, she went straight back into a conversation about my mother losing her mobile phone.

A few minutes later her husband rang her & she said something about me & Bear, referring to him as “Aria’s FIANCE” in a really condescending tone.

Not to mention, as she was leaving my mother said:

“Doesn’t she look well?”

- talking about me – & this dozy cow says

“Yeah, I’m looking ok but I don’t feel so great”.

Right then.

But lets face it, it’s not like I expected any different & honestly, it’s just further proof that this is not my real family, that I don’t belong here & that frankly, these fuckers suck.

• My gran has been in hospital for “tests”.
• One of the most happy people in my world is in hospital after taking an overdose after she was caught having an affair. I was actually supposed to be having a drink with the two of them tomorrow night.

I literally found out about this as I was writing, I’m feeling even worse so I’m going to wrap things up in a sec. Like my dad said, for the one person who was so happy & excited for Bear & I to end up like this…eurgh. It hit me like a ton of bricks, I was so shocked. It’s always disconcerting when emotion takes over like that & I end up uncontrollably bursting into tears. I think I really scared Bear (who was in my ear at the time).

• Last but not least, we can’t keep the dog.

Our landlord has told us to get rid of the dog, even though the people downstairs from us have a dog too (oh but they’ve been told to get rid of theirs as well (the one that’s been there for like 6 months)).

I’m really upset about it. I wish we had the money & means to move but…. sigh, it’s not even worth writing about.

Over & out.